


i have a constant fear that something's always near

by being_a_fangirl



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, Witness Protection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-01
Updated: 2015-07-01
Packaged: 2018-04-07 02:17:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4245741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/being_a_fangirl/pseuds/being_a_fangirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You want to be my boyfriend-husband?”<br/>“Please, and thank you.”<br/>“Oh, lovely.” </p><p>or, Harry and Louis are both placed in witness protection program and learn to live with that life-altering change within the first week.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i have a constant fear that something's always near

**Author's Note:**

  * For [larryink (blynrin)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blynrin/gifts).



> so i volunteered to be a pinch hitter for this fic without realizing that my life was about to get a shit ton busier. OP, im sorry i didnt follow your prompt very well. i didn't have enough time to plan or research so i hope you enjoy this comedic knock-off!
> 
> title: fear of the dark - iron maiden

            Harry doesn’t know what the hell happened to get him to where he is at the present moment, but he does know that if it was 6 months prior, he would have ignored the strange noise coming from the alleyway beside the shitty restaurant where he worked and continued on his merry way to his shitty flat.

            At least those things were less shitty than having to leave your whole life behind and start a new one with someone you didn’t even know.

            “So, wait, our last name is Jones. Isn’t that the most cliché name we could have?” Harry asked, his hair falling into his face as he continued to look at the piece of paper in front of him instead of at the man beside him, who he was apparently now married to.

            “It’s a common last name, so it will look less odd.” The man behind the desk didn’t look up from whatever he was writing in his stack of papers to answer Harry, which irked him a little bit. Harry singlehandedly (well, not necessarily true considering the man beside him) solved the biggest drug case the London Police Department had ever seen.

            “Louis Jones. Louis. Jones… I sound like a fucking knob.” Louis, the (admittedly) attractive guy beside him mumbled. Harry doesn’t know what information he gave to the department but clearly it was enough to get him put into witness protection program alongside Harry himself. Apparently, as they both learned an hour earlier, they were officially married and moving to their new home in a quaint town in England tomorrow.

            Harry had always imagined getting married and moving into a house with a garden out back and friendly neighbors he could exchange recipes with, but he always assumed it would be on his own terms. It could be worse though, Harry thinks. At least the guy, Louis, agrees that they sound like fucking idiots.

 

**

            “Is that the last of it?” Harry called, carrying what could quite possibly be the heaviest box yet into their new kitchen.

            “Just some little boxes but I’ll grab them!” Louis yelled from outside. Harry dropped the box onto the counter and took a deep breath. The house around him was nice but he couldn’t help but feel a little melancholic about the whole thing. Clearly, if he was put in witness protection program, people wanted him dead. That in and of itself was a terrifying thought. However, alongside that, he had no idea how his family was taking all of this information. He had no idea if they were in their own protection programs, he had no idea what the department told them, and he had no idea if he’d ever be able to see them again.

            “Pretty nice house, innit? Much bigger than the one I grew up in. Like canned sardines, I swear.” Louis threw the remaining boxes on the counter and sat down with his back against the fridge door and closed his eyes. He had been chatting nonstop on the ride to their new house, cracking jokes and trying to lighten the mood, but Harry could tell this was taking a toll on him as much as it was on Harry. There were bags hanging deep beneath his eyes and his hair was a lot more disheveled than it was in the London office.

            “How many are in your family?” Harry asked, sitting across from Louis against their sink cabinets.

            “There were five of us plus me mom and her ex-husband, but once I moved out and my mom got remarried she had twins, so a full house. I don’t know how my mom did it to be honest.”  Harry nodded along and let a comfortable silence fall between them.

            A loud crash and barking echoed from outside, somewhere in a neighbour’s backyard, and both of the boys jumped across the kitchen closer to one another.

            “Any chance you want to stay on the couch with me tonight?”  

 

**Day One:**

            Harry woke up with an awful pain in his neck and his face nuzzled into Louis’ feet. He slowly moved himself into a sitting position and was about to go start on some breakfast when he heard a noise from somewhere in the house.

            Not daring to move a muscle, all the noises of their new house were amplified and echoing around inside Harry’s head. Was it the natural noises of a house in the morning? Or was it someone who had broken in and was planning on killing both him and Louis slowly and painfully?

            Truly it was hard to tell the difference.

            “Any specific reason why you look like you’ve seen a ghost?” Louis asked, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and yawning into his hand.

            “I dunno,” Harry began, “I just heard a noise and I guess I’m still a bit freaked.”

            Louis’ eyes softened in understanding and he nodded while sitting up. The both of them sat there in silence listening to the noises of their house before Louis’ bladder almost couldn’t take it anymore.

            “I have to go pee,” Louis stated, looking at Harry pleadingly.

            “Alright?” Harry answered, confused.

            “I don’t want to go alone. What if I die?”

            “From going to the toilet?”

            “From some killer drug lord you twat.”

            “Oh,” Harry said, considering his next offer, “Want me to stand outside the door?”

            “Is that an odd thing to want?” Louis asked, taking the blanket off and standing up, holding his hand out for Harry to take.

            “I’m sure odder requests have been made, to be honest,” Harry shrugged, “At least you aren’t asking to pee on me?”

            The two of them walked down the hall to the small bathroom on the first floor and each took turns going while the other stood watch outside the door.

            In an unspoken agreement the two of them moved to the living room and began watching whatever trash shows were playing. Morning became afternoon, afternoon became evening, and before either of them could really blink they had wasted their day away in front of the TV.

            “Any chance we could move to the bedroom tonight? Last night killed my back. But if you’re staying here then I am too because safety in numbers and all that,” Harry yawned, stretching his arms above his head.

            The two of them moved to the bedroom and climbed in on opposite sides of the bed. Before coming upstairs Harry had felt like he could fall asleep at any moment but now that he was in the same bed as Louis he could feel a mass amount of nerves chase the tiredness away. Even though there was about a foot of bed and blanket between them, Harry could still feel the warmth from his body and that was enough.

            Maybe this new house new life thing would work in his favour after all.

 

**Day Two:**

            “So we’ve run out of the first day essentials that the department gave us.” Louis mused, looking through the fridge.

            “Nose goes,” Harry said, sticking his pointer finger on his nose and raising his eyebrows at Louis.

            “I’m not going unless you’re going,” Louis crossed his arms and leaned his hip against the counter, “I’m sure we could just get the groceries delivered. Be all posh and that.”

            Which is how, 3 hours later, Harry was unpacking the groceries and putting them in their rightful places. He had shooed Louis from the kitchen and back into the living room because Harry was nitpicky like that. He worked in a restaurant (albeit a shitty one) and he felt he had some authority about how their kitchen would run.

            Everything looked in place and just how Harry liked it, so he decided to surprise Louis with a lunch that was not prepared from a box. He bent down to grab the frying pan that was in a bottom cupboard when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

            In one moment Harry jumped to his feet and turned, swinging the pan along with him hoping to hit who was probably the very drug lord him and Louis had been terrified of these past two days. 

            “What the bloody fuck!” Louis yelled, ducking and falling to the floor before crawling to the edge of the room. “Are you trying to fucking kill me?”

            “You scared the shit out of me! Who grabs someone’s shoulder instead of saying like, ‘oh hey Harry I want to talk to you’?”

            Harry placed the pan down on the stove and sunk to the floor, putting a hang over his fast beating heart.

            “For what it’s worth, I’m officially going to choose you first for any dodge ball teams I’m on.”

            Louis crawled his way back into the living room, yelling about how he was living with a potential murderer, and Harry went back to making lunch.

            The two of them spent the whole day in front of the TV again, still terrified of any potential threat lurking within the halls of their homes. Harry began nodding off at around the 7th hour of their Top Chef marathon and woke up to the soft feeling of Louis shaking him awake.

            “Harry, babe,” Louis whispered, carding his fingers through Harry’s sleep-messy hair, “you’re going to hurt your back sleeping like this. Let’s head to bed.”

            Harry mumbled his agreement and slowly lifted himself off the couch and slouched his way down the hall to their bedroom, Louis trailing close behind him. The two of them stripped down to their boxers and climbed under the covers, pulling the sheet to just under their chins. As tired as Harry was, the walk had woken him up a little bit.

            “That felt nice by the way,” he mumbled, “I like when people play with my hair.”

            “Get here, then.” Louis reached over and grabbed Harry’s arm, tugging him closer so they were cuddling against each other. Louis began carding his fingers through Harry’s curls and before either of them could question all of it, Harry was asleep.

 

**Day Three:**

            Harry rummaged through their cabinet in the bathroom but after multiple minutes of searching, couldn’t find the shaving cream for the life of him. He could swear that Louis ordered some with their other groceries but had not a single clue about where he put it. Closing the cabinet with a sigh, Harry wrapped his towel a bit tighter around his waist and walked downstairs to find out.

            “Lou, did you get shaving cream?” Harry asked, then yelped, ducking out of the way of a flying TV remote. He heard a thud and a shatter behind him but stayed in his crouched position on the floor.

            “Are you try’na fucking kill me, mate?” Louis yelled, slightly breathless, putting a hand over his fast beating heart.

            “I was just trying to ask about shaving cream before you tried to tomahawk me with the fucking controller!” Harry all but screeched, running his pointer finger over the new dent in their wall.

            “At least I didn’t try to brain you with a frying pan. We could call it even now, I’d say.” Louis shrugged, turning back to the TV now that there was no imminent danger.

            “Well?” Harry asked, raising an eyebrow.

            “Well what? Would you like me to get on my knees and apologize?” Images flooded Harry’s mind at that and he made sure to add _go to church and repent for your sins_ to the list of things he needed to do.

            “Well did you get shaving cream?”

            “Why would you need shaving cream you have a baby face,” Louis shrugged and looked back at the TV.

            “That didn’t answer my question,” Harry cocked his hip to the side and raised his eyebrow.

            “Don’t get your knickers in a twist. I bought some. I even got some for sensitive skin for your baby face,” Louis smirked.

            “Eat a dick, Louis.”

 

**Day Four:**

            A shrill doorbell rang throughout the house and echoed over their empty walls. Harry jumped in his spot on the couch in front of the TV and reached out to grab onto Louis’ arm.

            “That’s the doorbell,” Louis said, not moving to get up and answer it. Harry nodded and the two stared at the back of their door for a couple seconds before Louis sighed and hauled Harry up with him. They both took one deep breath before opening it slowly to reveal two guys about their age standing outside.

            “Hey mates, we saw you move in a couple days ago and we figured we’d introduce ourselves,” the David Beckham look-a-like said, “My name is Liam, I’m your immediate neighbour to the right of you.”

            “I’m Niall,” said the bleach blond one, holding out his hand for a shake, “I’m to the left.”

            Harry and Louis both nodded and tentatively stuck out their hands and introduced themselves.

            “How come you moved out here? Not many people know of our little town,” Liam asked.

            “We just wanted to get out of the city,” Harry said, at the same time Louis said, “We wanted a place to start a family.”

            The two of them looked at each other wide-eyed. They hadn’t really discussed what they were going to tell people about their story. Obviously they couldn’t really tell the truth, but Harry also really didn’t want to tell a lie.

            “Yeah I kept nagging about wanting to start a family out of the city and we don’t really plan on adopting immediately, it’s a good idea to get our roots settled here beforehand.” Niall and Liam nodded along with little smiles on their faces, meaning they were buying the bullshit Harry was trying to spout to them. He heaved a small sigh of relief and rested his arm around Louis’ waist, hoping to look like a proper couple.

            “You two are planning a family? You’ll have to talk to Soph all about it, she’s had her mind set on starting one ASAP but I keep having to tell her we should wait until after my promotion,” Liam’s cheeks turned a happy red, “How did you two meet?”

            “Uh, we met at a restaurant…” Louis began.

            “The restaurant where I worked,” Harry chimed in.

            “Yeah, I was actually on a date with a guy from school there who turned out to be right awful-“

            “-and I told him exactly that when the guy went to the washroom.”

            “This wanker even went and put his number on the back of the receipt.” Louis pointed at Harry with his thumb and gave the other boys an incredulous expression, making them laugh.

            They clearly did an alright job because not five minutes later the two men were leaving back to their own houses with promises of showing Louis and Harry around the town the next time they were free. Once the door was closed the both of them leaned back against it and sank to the floor.

            “What the fuck,” Louis rhythmically knocked his head back against the door softly, “what if we had fucked up they would have known.”

            “Any chance you feel like downing a couple bottles of wine and drinking away the memory of the last 15 minutes?” Louis shot up off the ground and held his hand out for Harry to grab.

            “You’re my kind of man, Styles.”

            “Jones, actually.”

            “Fuck off.” 

 

**Day Five:**

            Louis eyed the flyer in his hand. He had walked just down the street this morning to where their mailbox was and collected everything they had missed over the past week. Sitting on his table now was a flyer for a town festival where a bunch of farmer vendors and local booths get plopped in the middle of what they call their fair grounds. It looks quite cute and quaint if Louis was going to admit it to himself and if he wasn’t so afraid of his own shadow he’d probably be running out of the door and on his way there already.

            As it was, Louis was waiting for Harry to wake up so they could decide if they would go together.

            “Morning sunshine,” Harry said, his eyes barely open and his hair a mess, “Didn’t think you’d be awake so early.”

            “For some reason I never sleep much after I’ve drank a bit the night before,” Louis shrugged and pushed the flyer closer to where Harry had sat himself at the table, “Any chance you feel like going?”

            Harry peered at the flyer and grabbed the pot of tea Louis had made earlier to start making his own cup. He stirred the sugar in his tea and slowly looked up at Louis.

            “I mean, the guys who were here yesterday looked nice enough. We could probably go with them?” Harry’s eyebrows were scrunched together a bit but he smiled a little, excited at the prospect of finally getting out of the damn house.

            “Of course,” Louis bit his lip and smiled back at Harry, “And I mean, I won’t leave your side just in case. You know, for protection and all that.”

            “Yeah,” Harry’s smile grew a bit bigger, his dimples making an appearance, “for protection and all that.”

            The two of them grabbed their jackets and headed out the door one hour later. It was the first time they had both been out together and it was slightly terrifying and slightly exhilarating at the same time. Harry reached out and grabbed Louis’ hand in his and swung it a little between them on their way to the little town festival.

            “Louis? Harry?” They had just walked onto the main street of town where all the booths were when they heard the voice behind them.

            “Oh, hey Liam, you alright?” Harry asked, nodding at him.

            “Yeah, yeah, good as always. Mates, this is my wife Sophia. Sophia, these lovely gentlemen are our new neighbors.” Liam motioned the beautiful woman standing beside him with a beaming smile on his face.

            “Lovely to meet you,” Louis said, giving her a small hug, “Fancy some company strolling the main booths or were you two planning on spending a day together?”

            “No, no, none of that. I promised I’d show you boys around,” Liam said.

            The four of them walked down the street, each couple hand in hand, and Harry felt like him and Louis were an actual couple. He momentarily forgot the circumstances that lead to where they were and just enjoyed the brisk and sunny October morning.

            Each stall they would pass Louis would hold out items he thought Harry would like even if they were completely outlandish and horrible. To be fair, most items he was completely right about. It seemed he had Harry pegged for exactly who he was; yet Harry had no idea who exactly Louis was. It was almost heartbreaking that they would never get to experience the dating stage of their relationship and would have to skip straight to being married.

            “I had a really fun day out with you,” Harry said later that night as they were getting undressed for bed. Louis sent him a shy smile from across the room and climbed under the covers.

            “I did too. Even if you did almost convince me to let you buy that God awful hat.”

 

**Day Six:**

            “So I think we need to figure out how to be a couple,” Louis announced with no warning, walking straight into the bathroom where Harry was brushing his teeth. He spat into the sink and rinsed his mouth out before standing up fully and giving Louis a confused look.

            “What do you mean? How do you figure out how to be a couple?” Harry slid past Louis into their bedroom and began getting dressed for the day.

            “Like, most couples get time to figure everything out and we didn’t really get that so if we’re going to be a pretend couple then we need to know how to do pretend couple things. Like know how we met, be comfortable in front of each other, be comfortable kissing, you know things like that.” Louis was fiddling with the hemline on the bottom of his shirt but other than that looked completely unfazed that he basically just asked Harry to practice kissing with him.

            “You want to get comfortable… kissing?” Harry slid the shirt he was holding over his head to buy himself more time from Louis’ answer. Maybe if he just didn’t put it on the full way and kept his head hidden he’d never have to hear it.

            “I mean we’re going to have to do it at least once in front of people. Better to get it out of the way?” Louis stepped closer to him but Harry took a step back.

            “I don’t know,” it wasn’t that Harry didn’t want to kiss him, it was that he wanted them to do it on their own time, “Why don’t we like, get to know each other first or something.”

            “Yeah, yeah of course, it was kind of silly of me to ask that of you anyway,” Louis scratched the back of his neck, “I was just about to head out to the shops, do you want anything?”

            “No thank you, I’m alright.”

            “Alright.”

            The rest of the day was a bit awkward between the two. Harry knew Louis thought he had been rejected and that Harry didn’t want that kind of relationship with him, but Harry had no clue how to fix things. Harry wanted that with Louis, he so wanted that with Louis. He had never wanted so much with one person in such a small amount of time but here Harry was, smack dab in the middle of some Hollywood movie plot.

            The two of them went to bed that night on separate sides of the beds and Harry vowed that would never happen again. Tomorrow he was going to woo the hell out of Louis Jones (yeah he did sound like a knob).

 

**Day Seven:**

            Louis woke up to the smell of bacon and the clock on the bedside table reading just after ten in the morning. His sleep last night hadn’t been the best, considering he was continuously conscious of Harry’s every move and twitch. After the clear rejection the day before, Louis didn’t want to risk accidentally cuddling him in his sleep during the night so he made sure he was always at the furthest side of the bed.

            His back was clearly paying for that decision.

            Louis padded down the hallway, stretching his back out in the process, and headed to the kitchen where he could hear Harry softly singing to himself.

            “What’s all this for then?” He asked, heading straight for the table where a pot of tea was already brewing.

            “Good morning to you too,” Harry looked at Louis over his shoulder and continued getting a plate ready for Louis.

            “Morning, morning, and all that. What’s the occasion?” Harry sighed, placed their plates on the table, and sat down opposite Louis.

            “I wanted to apologize, I guess.”

            “For what?” Louis mumbled through a mouthful of food.

            “For not explaining myself properly,” Harry began, “I had an issue with you asking if we could practice kissing each other yesterday because I’m bitter that we didn’t meet under better circumstances. Like, we skipped dating and being boyfriends and went straight to husbands. I want to take you out on a date; I want to be nervous for our first kiss… I don’t know, I just want it to mean something.”

            “Yes.”

            “Yes, what?” Harry asked, his face pinching together in confusion.

            “Yes, I would like to go out on a date with you. Tonight preferably.” Louis shrugged and continued shoveling eggs into his mouth.

            “You want to go on a date with me?” Harry asked, a bit shocked.

            “Was I not clear enough?”

            “You want to be my boyfriend-husband?”

            “Please, and thank you.”

            “Oh, lovely.”

            “Yes, lovely. Can I kiss you now?”

            “I suppose that would be allowed,” Harry smiled, his dimples popping out in full-force.

            Louis leaned forward and put his hand on Harry’s cheek, guiding him gently toward his lips.

            Neither of them have any idea how life put them where they were. One moment they were living their normal lives, and the next they were moved to some farmer village halfway across the country with a new marriage certificate in their hands. However, as terrifying as it sounds, they wouldn’t change anything.

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me at harryspeachbum on Tumblr if you want :) thanks for reading!


End file.
